Peace by Peace

The holidays are hard for some people even though there is so much joy and happiness surrounding them. This year has been a bittersweet season for me. I have had some changes in my own life that were somewhat chaotic. But, as they say, “Life goes on.”

Maybe you have had some events in your own life which brought pain, heartache and dulled your joy. Some of my friends have lost loved ones near to them. Some, like me, are going through or have been through a divorce, which is always painful, no matter what the circumstances are or have been. Some have had health issues and have had to make changes in their lifestyle. Many people I know have had financial difficulties.

We go through seasons of peace and seasons of times when that very same peace seems to have dwindled. Sometimes, it only takes a small event to steal our peace.

But this Christmas, God wants you to have your peace back. Not just part of it. ALL OF IT and a little extra to make up for the troubles you are going through.

Colossians 3:15 says “Let the peace of Christ RULE in your hearts.” God wants you to have peace inside of you. He wants you to not only know that you have peace, but to FEEL like you have peace. The best way for that to happen is to make Jesus a priority in your life. Let everything you do revolve around Him and the peace will come.

God also wants us to have peace with Him. There have been many times when I asked God why something so bad would happen to me. I almost blamed Him for it. But God does not want that separation between you and Him. His desire is to restore the love that He has for you and I. That is why He sacrificed His Son to put us back together with Him. 2 Corinthians 5:18 says “God sent Christ to make peace between Himself and us.” Yes, He loves you that much.

This Christmas season, God wants you to know that He loves you more than anything. And, I want you to know that I love you too. I know that you are tired of hurting. I am too, sometimes. Let God give you the peace that He wants you to have and that you deserve.

Merry Christmas

Blank Checks

Philippians 3:13-15

13 Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have laid hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize of God’s heavenly calling in Christ Jesus. 15 All of us who are mature should embrace this point of view.

Romans 11:29
For God’s gifts and His call are irrevocable.

If you have noticed, I underlined a couple of phrases in the verses above, particularly dealing with the word “call”. The Bible speaks of God’s calling in a lot of different ways. We are all called to spread the Gospel. Sometimes a call to prayer is commanded. A calling is also used to describe a spiritual gift.

But, in this case, I am referring to a calling of  a task. A ministry in the church. In most denominations, a pastor or a preacher feels that they are “called” to ministry. And, because there are different positions of ministry in a lot of churches, some may feel called into a specific area of ministry.

In 1992, I had been attending a local church regularly and became close with the members of that church. My spiritual life was growing as I began to sense a desire to help in different areas of the church. It soon became apparent that I related easily to teen students. I loved playing volleyball with them on Friday nights or cooking out for them or going on trips with them. I was particularly drawn to the less privileged kids. They seemed to be looking for the most attention.

I realized that not only was I drawn to them, but they were drawn to me as well. We just clicked.

I felt at that time that God was speaking to me about teaching them. I didn’t understand why He chose me, but I was both excited and scared about it. And, as I began to spend more time with the students in that church and mentor them, I began to feel drawn toward a feeling that God wanted me to do more.

I struggled with the idea of committing myself to being someone who God was calling me to be. Not only would I have to step up my game spiritually, I knew that other areas of my life would change. I worked at a manufacturing plant in Ft. Smith, Arkansas at the time, which was in the business of bottling alcoholic beverages. To me, it seemed to be a conflict of interest. I had a really good job there which paid me very well and it did not seem very economical or practical to give it up.

So, one Monday morning, during my drive to work, I was praying. I do a big part of my talking with God while I drive. And, this particular day, I felt the urging of God to make a decision about whether I should give in to this or not.

“Alright”, I told God. “I hear you loud and clear. I will do whatever you want!” At that very moment, I was so overwhelmed by the Holy Spirit that I began to cry. I felt happy and peaceful. But I also felt terrified. After all, I had just written a blank check to God. It was as if I were saying, “here is a check for the rest of my life God. You fill in the amount! I don’t care what you want to do with me. Just fill it in!”

At that very moment, I also thought “what have I done???”  I began to back up. I’m not sure why, but I was not prepared to do what I told God I would do. I began to rationalize and think about all the things I “might” have to give up in order to commit to His ministry full time.

Little did I realize that I wasn’t the one who had to prepare for such a task. God had been preparing me for years.

I wrestled with God. Every excuse I had for not moving forward with this, God had a reply. I worried about how much money I would have to give up. God sent a friend to tell me about a new verse he had read. Matthew 6:25-28. Read it.

Every reason I had for NOT giving my life to His ministry, God had a reply. I began to run out of excuses.

So, for almost a year, I did nothing. I guess I thought if I ignored it long enough, that God would move on to someone else. I was trying to put off a decision I had already made. I was stalling.

One spring day, I was working in the back yard, burning dead leaves from the fall season. The grass was starting to turn green. I had been thinking about my calling. We lived in an old house that belonged to my wife’s family. It was a small house with a big yard. It had a small concrete front porch and a long concrete sidewalk. I can’t remember exactly what I was doing in the back yard, but my daughter, Sara, who was 4 years old at the time, was coloring on the sidewalk with those big pieces of colored chalk. I always loved seeing how creative she was. She always filled the whole sidewalk up. But, Sara never colored on the porch. It wasn’t as if she was not allowed to…she just didn’t.

As I was working in the back yard, Sara came up to me and said “Dad, how do you spell wait?” Not sure what she meant, I said “You mean like wait a minute or lifting weights?” “Like wait a minute”, she replied. “W-A-I-T”, I said, and she went skipping back to the front of the house.

I’m not sure how long after that it was, but I remember that it was getting warm outside, so I decided to go into the house to cool off. I walked around the side of the house toward the front porch. I saw the drawings Sara had made on the sidewalk and I smiled. As I stepped up onto the porch and toward the front door, I saw some words written in colored chalk by Sara. I stopped dead in my tracks when I read them.

Three simple words brought me to my knees in tears……..GOD IS WAITING.

I can barely even type this right now because to this day, it still brings me to tears, that my God, the God of Abraham and Jacob and Daniel, would use my little girl, the most precious person on the face of the Earth to me, to write a personal message TO ME! Sara was only 4 years old and could barely spell, but put together those three words so well, in a place where I had to see it and it changed my life forever.

God was reminding me not only of my commitment to Him, but about His patience with me. I knew that His call for my life was irrevocable. No fingers crossed. No changing of the mind. God had filled in that blank check when I handed it to Him and he was ready to cash it.

That Sunday, I made my commitment public before my church. I was already working with the youth, but it just got real.

God began to stir me. I began to get deeper into the Bible and as I did, I constantly saw verses differently. I saw my own life as a teen come into full view through scripture. It excited me and I knew that I had to share that excitement with the students my church.

And God also began to stir that little town in Haskell County, Oklahoma. What started as a Sunday School class of 4 or 5, soon blossomed into a youth group of close to 50 students hungry for the word of God!

Although I am not involved in an organized youth ministry today, I still talk to teens whenever and wherever I can. I stress to them the importance of a relationship with Jesus Christ first and foremost. But I also tell them to listen for God’s calling on their life because I know first-hand that you cannot run from it.

Pizza, breadsticks and a drink

Matthew 25: 31-36, 40

31 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left. 34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

This week, I made contact through Facebook with a former student of mine. Around 2005, I was hired by the Stigler, Oklahoma public school system as a para-professional. This is a position for which a teaching certificate is not needed and usually involves substitute teaching or assisting a teacher in a classroom. In this case, I was hired to help with students at the Alternative Education School. Students served in Oklahoma’s Alternative Education programs are at risk for high school failure for a variety of reasons which may include academic deficiency, behavioral difficulties, excessive absences, pregnancy or parenting, adjustment problems, or juvenile justice involvement.  Alternative Education programs are specifically tailored to meet the needs of students who may be struggling with poverty, substance abuse, family dysfunction, or psychological or physical trauma.

In other words, these kids are unfairly labeled as “trouble kids”. I had my own classroom and because it was non-structured, I was there to answer questions and help guide them in their workbooks, which they did at their own pace. Many of these kids did not like being told what to do. But, as a church Youth Minister, I connected with them. We bonded. In fact, I still stay in touch with several of them.

But, this weekend, one of those students contacted me to let me know that he was going through a tough time in his life. I had kept up with him over the years, as I have with several of my former students. I know that he has had problems with addictions and spent time in jail on more than one occasion.

He’s a good guy with a good heart. He has just made some bad choices. I have too. We all have.

This time, he told me that he was homeless and asking if I could help him out. “Where are you living now?”, I asked him. “In my truck”, he said. My heart sank as I thought of one of my former students being homeless. I had no idea what the circumstances were, but it didn’t matter. He contacted me because he trusted me.

He told me that he needed $40 to get back home to Haskell County. Now, I have had experience with addicts before and I know better than to give cash. It’s too tempting to feed your addiction when you have cash in hand. So, I told him that I would pay for his gas at the pump and buy him lunch, to which he agreed.

He told me before we met that he had a girlfriend and that they had two children together. When we met at the gas station, she was in the front seat asleep. He began to open up to me about his problems because he knew I cared and would listen without judgement. He had been to prison and got out earlier in the year for theft. As soon as he got out, he got back together with his girlfriend. He got a job in the oilfield and made a good living, but when the oilfield crashed, he was a felon without work.

He also confessed to me that when he got out of prison and had a steady income, he started taking pills to feed the addiction. He had been sober while in prison for almost a year, but the extra money and temptation was too much. Soon, the pills weren’t enough and he turned to heroin. I have heard that heroin is the single hardest addiction to overcome. I feel a lot of pain for these two.

So, when the gas pump finally shut off, the meter read just over $50. He was running on fumes to get there. We decided to go to a nearby pizza place to eat. I knew that they were hungry and there would be enough left over for another meal. I made sure by buying a large pizza, bread sticks and drinks so they would have something to eat on their drive back to Haskell County.

At first, his girlfriend was too embarrassed to get out of the truck to go inside to eat. I finally convinced her that it did not matter what she looked like or how she was dressed. I was there for them. Once we sat down to eat, her embarrassment went away. She told me that she had just had a baby two weeks earlier and that both of their kids were with his parents while they got their life in order.

I loved hearing them talk. It was obvious that they were best friends as well as in love. When one would speak, the other would finish the sentence. When it was something funny, they both would laugh. If they disagreed, they didn’t continue arguing. They just went on. They held hands while they talked. They are so young, but so much on the same page with each other. It is obvious that they are on this journey together.

As we finished eating and talking, I bought them another drink. I told them my rule: I will never give you cash. It is doing us both a favor. I know that this relationship is not over yet. I am still hearing from them.

As we said goodbye and hugged each other, I told them that I would be praying for them. As I got in my car, I was reminded of the above verse 35…”For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in.”

It took me several minutes before I could drive away. I sat in my car crying so much that I could not see to drive. I praised and thanked God for the opportunity to witness to them through a pizza, breadsticks and a drink.

UPDATE: March 30, 2020 – This couple has since separated. She sought help and is on the path to recovery. I see her at our church’s recovery program each week. I think that he is still lost in his addiction and I pray for him. I love them both and want God’s will for their lives, whether their journey is together or apart from each other.